My husband of 23 years has been working for a four-man department for that whole time. One man retired, so they will be hiring another person. A very qualified young man applied for the job. A married woman also applied. They are planning on hiring the woman. She currently works in a different department and is known for having a married man frequent the department for sexual relations. She also works part time in another small department and has had the married man meet her there for their rendezvous.
Annie, I have been losing sleep over this. The men in my husband's department know about this but say that as long as her work gets done, it's not their business. I am friends with this man's wife. I don't know whether I should tell her. I think she may know, because it's a small town and everyone seems to know about it. Am I wrong to think they should hire the qualified man instead of the hot woman who likes married men? My husband thinks I'm overreacting. -- Staying Faithful
There are two issues wrapped into one here. To the question of whether to tell your friend that her husband is cheating -if you are absolutely sure he is cheating, then yes. Tell her. But be 100 percent certain you're not sounding a false alarm. That bell can't be unrung.
To the question of whether that woman should be hired in your husband's department --well, I haven't seen her resume. But the co-workers are correct. As long as she does her job well and keeps things professional, her personal life is none of their business.
Rest easy. It takes two to cheat, so as long as you have faith in your husband, her presence there shouldn't be anything you lose sleep over.
I'd like to add my congratulations to yours to "Been There, Done That," if I may, for earning a college degree later in life. I'd also love to add further encouragement for "Better Late Than Never?" -the person who was wondering whether he should bother trying to earn a college degree in his 40s.
Doris Eaton Travis, the last of the Ziegfeld Follies, who passed away in the spring of 2010 at the age of 106, fulfilled one of her life's fondest wishes by earning her bachelor's degree at the age of 88. In her autobiography, she told us that she majored in history, her favorite subject. She began an oral report on World War I thus: "I am probably the only person you ever will meet who knew Woodrow Wilson."
I had several opportunities to meet this remarkable woman but am especially glad that I got to thank her for heading my own pending midlife crisis off at the pass. The first time I met her, when she was 99, she told me I was very cute but, at age 38, I was a little too old for her. I blushed! I figured that if a contemporary of both of my late grandmothers could have that effect on me, I had no business feeling old myself.
She came every year to the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS Easter Bonnet presentation here in New York City and danced, usually in the opening number. Two weeks or so after her last Easter Bonnet performance, she went to sleep and simply didn't wake again -- a blessed passing that she very much earned. --Greg in New York
It sounds as if she was a remarkable woman who made her mark on the world. Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story.
Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book --featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.comformore information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to email@example.com